 October 2, 2006 Well, here's my new apologia for gay Catholics. It's pretty much already been said by James Alison, just more eloquently. Here it be, nonetheless, friends: FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION The theological argument of James Alison boils down to this (I pray that I will make some sense): The catechism states that homosexual acts are "intrinsically disordered" and that the homosexual condition is "objectively disordered". Recent catechisms admitted that homosexuals "do not choose their condition" and that "for most of them it is a trial." The part about homosexuality not being a choice has recently been removed from the catechism, though it is still admitted that our lot in life is a trial. The heart of the matter for Catholic theology is to determine at just what level of depth our sexual orientation can be said to reside in our nature. If it is not a choice, then it is very deep indeed. It is extremely noteworthy that the clause about there being a lack of choice has been removed from the catechism statement, while the rest has gone unscathed. If you're not alert, you might not notice it. According to Catholic dogma as defined at the Council of Trent and other councils, the goodness of human nature was damaged by Adam's fall, but not destroyed. Original sin has disfigured our likeness to God, but we still remain created in his image. Imagine a beautiful painting or sculpture that has been vandalized, and that is how Catholics (and the Eastern Orthodox) view the current human condition. In Latin the phrase is "natura vulnerata, non deleta": nature damaged, not destroyed. Now return let us return to a condition, ours, which is to be considered objectively disordered, and which is characterized by acts that are declared intrinsically disordered. According to the axiom of Catholic scholastic philosophy, "agere sequitur esse": act follows from being. Taking the principles of our own Church theology seriously, we may understand that we live out our lives as gay because we are gay, not because we are heterosexuals who make really stupid and unnatural choices. To say we are objectively disordered sounds very much like the Reformation heresy which claims that mankind is "totally depraved" after the Fall. In Luther's word's, the justified Christian is like "a heap of dung covered by a white sheet", the sheet being God's grace through Christ. Catholics, however, don't believe that we can be "simul iustus et peccator": at once justified and a sinner. We believe that a water baptized and believing Christian is truly, objectively wiped clean of any guilt imputed to us by Adam's fall from grace. An attraction toward evil, called concupiscence, remains in all the justified, but cannot be considered sin proper. We the redeemed are completely free to battle concupiscence, carrying our cross by our own will, cooperating with the grace of God. Having said all this, what are we homosexuals? Citizens of heaven, members of the communion of saints who are yet somehow untouched in some corner of our being by Christ's redeeming blood, and thus, remaining objectively disordered, are people driven by an extrordinary temptation which happily ignores the the rest of the Church? If, on the other hand, the homosexual inclination is merely a manifestation of regular concupiscence, then our actions will bear evil fruit, as all sin does, and the actions will, even in the best of circumstances, naturally hurt us. But if living out our lives as gays, under reasonably good conditions, does not lead to inevitable misery and destruction, then it is clear that we have not violated God's natural law. If we can be gay Christians who can find a way to flourish precisely as gay, and have only to struggle with the normal selfishness of concupiscence, then we will have proven the Vatican wrong, which in any event, has never defined these matters on the level of infallibility. I am running out of energy, so good night. Once again, I hope this made some sense. The Lord's peace be with you. October 3, 2006 I just finished watching "Cool Hand Luke". Boy, that movie makes me cry. There are a lot of things I could read into the movie, and I could interpret it in more than one direction. But I'm tired. I guess all I'll say is that if I ever get my own place, I'll buy a "Cool Hand Luke" poster and frame it on my wall. I think it is worthy of at least that. Truly good artwork- cinema, poetry, music- whatever, provides education to your mind and spirit. It saddens me that many of my friends do not seem to have a sensitivity for anything beyond what is basically cheap entertainment. It is very alienating, and has been much on my mind recently. I hope I don't hurt anyone's feelings unduly, but I would like to gently direct my friends to some of the more beautiful things in life. It is not that pure and simple fun does not have its place in the world. Rather, it is important to at least be well rounded and appreciate what is noble every once in a while. Those who cannot understand that should humble themselves and learn. October 6, 2006 A few hours ago I watched "Glory", the movie about a black Union army regiment in the Civil War. It has Morgan Freeman, Matthew Broderick, and Denzel Washington. That was over at Chris' place, whom I spent a lot of today with. Nice guy- Chris. I won't delve into the deails of his life, but he has been through a lot, and is deserving of much love and respect. As for "Glory", it was a very moving, inspiring film. Probably better than "Snakes On a Plane", but I'm just guessing. Today I got my first disabilty check from the government; this for suffering a severe depressive episode and being impaired as regards to my ability to work. I prayed recently to St. Thomas More (the patron saint of lawyers) to be my advocate in this engagement with government bureaucracy. Thanks to him and my persevering Mom I can receive some money to make up for all the down time this past year that was spent in deep depression. As I've been feeling noticeably better of late (not fantastic, but better), I don't plan to milk the government cow more than a few months. This money will help Chris and I to go on a road trip we've been dreaming up. It will be a real experience to see the country from West coast to East coast. I've only been to 5 of the 50 states up to this point in my life. Anyway, I'm a sleepy boy. It's time for bed. October 7, 2006 Well, it's time to revisit a time-honored tradition in the Brian Gonsalves evening Diary entries. Yes, my friends, I would like to share with you that I have quite recently masturbated to gay porn. I know you guys love it when things get personal on here, so I couldn't deprive you of that steaming confession. Catholic that I am (or perhaps this is a more universal occurrence), I now feel dirty and empty. I know that quite a few people would recoil in a mixture of pity and disgust-- "Catholic guilt!" they would pronounce. How supposedly neurotic of me to feel guilty about masturbating to porn. And yet isn't it hilarious of them to try and make me feel guilty about feeling guilty. I'm miserable either way, but there is a cure, or at least a mild palliative for my soiled conscience. I make a quick prayer to the Lord to have mercy on me, and I then play at least 5 minutes of doo wop music. Good, clean, romantic, lovely, childlike, silly, angelic, beautiful doo wop music. In doo wop Eros is innocent. In porn, most guilty. The theologian Karl Barth said that in Mozart's music he heard the voice of a redeemed humanity. This little perv hears in doo wop the voice of what? a redeemed homosexual? I don't know, as I am not my own judge. I can only have hope. And so with a sincere doo wop-shoo bop, I bid you good night. October 9, 2006 Sitting in my room. It's almost midnight. Meditating on life and death. I give free reign to my mind, and with this comes a chain of humiliations and torments. Yikes. I can't wait til this boring night is over and I can begin a new day. Pray for me, reader. October 12, 2006 Life is but a dream It's what you make of it Always try to give Don't ever take from it Life can be music Life can be songs of love These are the lyrics of a particularly interesting doo wop standard. Life is only a dream. Something subjective, personal, of the imagination and one's own perspective. That line of thinking can be dangerous, at least to my Catholic "I believe in Truth with a capital T" frame of mind. But inserted into that song is an admonition never to be selfish (to always give and never take). And what is the fruit we may expect if we marry an all powerful imagination with a pure commitment to unselfishness? Well, how about creativity, beauty? "Life can be music. Life can be songs of love" So there you go. That is how I have found meaning in a simple doo wop song. What an exegete am I. What a musicologist. Well, anyway; enough silliness for now. Goodnight. October 18, 2006 Everybody knows that I'm a Catholic, but I must confess that I am not a particularly self-denying one (I do this for those who are blind to the somewhat glaring truth, or perhaps are just generous in their thoughts concerning me). I don't heap up painful self-sacrifices to fill my day. Neither does the thought of becoming a missonary or ending my days in martyrdom instill me with any enthusiasm whatsoever. I'm a pretty run of the mill, wimpy Christian, despite the sufferings which I do endure. Anyway, this evening I came across on a gay Christian blog a link to a text which I found amazing. It contains the last testament of a French monk who was beheaded in the 1990's in his monastery in Algeria, a former colony of France. His murder was accomplished by Muslim extremists and probably brings to mind for most of us the atrocities which we have become accustomed to hearing about every so often on the news. What I think is remarkable is the radiant benevolence, mercy, faith, and life which I felt to be streaming from this man's final testimony. He died horribly, and yet even this admittedly very squeamish Catholic must confess that I am inspired by this monk. There is also an interesting analysis of the testament by someone from a theological background. I put off reading this text. I suggest that you do not. It is worth reading. I trust you will like it. The Last Testimony of Christian de Cherge, O.C.S.O. Good night everyone. October 23, 2006 Today I woke up and made myself breakfast, did some work on the computer, and then fell back asleep. Then my friend Chris Hanley called me and re-awoke me. He chided my laziness (it was already past noon) and so to appease my dear Chris I told him that I would be finishing burning him copies of my CD collection today. I did that and went over to his home. We hung out for a bit, watched the end of Hellraiser III, and were much entertained by his toddler nephew. He is a funny boy. Then we went to Tower Records, which if you don't know, is going out of business and has prices marked down 20%. Best music store there is and it will be consigned to oblivion in about a month. After we purchased a couple of CD's I dropped Chris off back at his place and went to my house. From there I went to yoga class at the Cerritos adult center with my mom. This was my second time attending and it was a little easier this class. After we got home mom whipped me up a delicious little meal, and not long after that I went with my friends from the video store to the Bay Theatre. Tonight is Monday classic movie night. We watched the 1960's scary movie, "The Haunting". Spooky, kids! Better cover your eyes! Actually, I rather liked it. I tend to believe in the supernatural. As a Christian I am obliged to make a continual effort to believe in it. I've had several strong paranormal experiences, most of which were specifically religious. I would have liked to have shared with my friends some of my encounters with the mysterious and sacred, but I wasn't really able to steer the conversation that way once we got out of the theater. Oh well. October 27, 2006 The internet is just swimming with falsehoods for you to eat up. Here is a short list of true statements to provide some contrast: 1. Brian Gonsalves looks at too much free porn- disgusting 2. The paintings of Caravaggio are amazing 3. Clinton should not have been impeached. 4. There is more of a case for the impeachment of Bush than there was for Clinton. 5. The Fox Media Network is creepy 6. Many people act bisexual when they are drunk October 28, 2006 Today I spoke with a close friend who is in the hospital, an old friend who has quit her job, and I have received an e-mail from another melancholy Catholic webmaster. The webmaster has just returned from a pilgrimage in Spain and has some website ideas which are complementary to my own. Maybe something interesting will happen. Most of all I want my (brave) friend, Chris, to recover from this episode of his bipolar illness and be able to check out from the hospital. Please say a prayer. Sweet Dreams
|