Everyone who knows me is aware that my religion is Catholicism. They know that I'm no saint, they know that conservative morals never seem to take much of a strong hold on me, and they know that I will most definitely never become Pope, likely because the greater part of the Church hierarchy would not like it when I would canonize Chris Farley, Charles Baudelaire, and Marvin Gaye, and when I would invite Dave Chapelle to do stand up at the Vatican. Nonetheless, perhaps those people who have the greatest sense of who I truly am suspect that I do take my religious faith very seriously. Just as someone who doesn't obey all of the traffic laws of this land while driving, who has cut a few corners on income taxes, and who doesn't always agree with the government may still be a patriot, a simple lover of his or her country, so may a sinner like myself love the Church. Yes, Brian Gonsalves- a lazy, stubborn, despairing drug addict and a lonely little gay guy may also love the vast and beautiful mystery which is the Catholic Church. I once read that the great thing is to reach God, through Christ, in the Church. And it really is. I am content to be one little patriot of a Kingdom where all are welcome, where an invitation is extended to the entire human race (the party going on is so big, in fact, that over a billion on the planet are already participating). To take part all we need to do is kneel and ask God for help, to break down and ask to join the big, grand event that is infinitely more important than us all- the cosmic symphony of love, the communion of saints with Jesus at its center. I am a wretched person, I know. I am much better at talking theology than going to confession, much better at looking at pretty churches and religious paintings than striving to approach Christ through the eucharist. You see, I don't receive communion often for fear of profaning it, and I haven't been to confession for a long while because I'm afraid of being told by some wise priest to shape myself up. But I still love my Church. The Catholic Church doesn't shout and yell at you about God. It doesn't drum the words of scripture into your head like you're little Christian marines, fanatics getting prepared to go scare the world into being good. But God is always there in the Church. No matter how often the people who comprise it may make mistakes, the Lord is always with us. In the spacious silence of a parish church you can hear "the still, small voice" of the God who made us, guides us, and knows every fibre of our being. From your place in the pews, looking up high, there you see the man hanging on a cross, condemned though innocent, rejected though Divine, teaching us all to bear our pain in the hope of something much, much better. This is my world. My homeland. My Church. I know it is not perfect. There are different orders of truth, with differing degrees of importance, and not all that the Vatican has done or proclaimed has been necessary for our salvation, or even right. In Catholicism, doubtless, there has been chaff among the wheat. But I sure hope that when the Church has been right I've been lucky enough to be on its side, and when I was not on the side of right I hope that the love of Christ has kept me within God's mercy. Admittedly, I desire that one day the Holy Spirit will lead us to a more generous appraisal of gay people and how we may live our lives, but pretty much all I can do is just wait and see. Truth can not be legislated into existence or established politically. We just have to let go and be part of that and whom which is bigger than all of our individual selves, with all our individual agendas. That openness to what is beyond you, in the end, is what Catholicism is all about. That is what I am loyal and indebted to, and that is where I can invite you to go and look for Christ, to gaze at his arms spread on the cross- arms of eternal openness. And if certain people, whether through ignorance or malice, insult my spiritual mother who has proclaimed the death and resurrection of Jesus for 2000 years- I will do my best to defend the Church's honor, and very much, my friends, like a Catholic ninja!